she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
