watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
two words...techno handjob
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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