:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
