Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
