I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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