I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
