And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize