My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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