Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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