This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
