he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
