Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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