i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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