I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
