Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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