So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
