I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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