I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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