So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
