i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
