Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
