i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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