Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
