so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
