I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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