I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
