We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
