Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
