Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
