I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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