Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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