do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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