So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
