Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
