A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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