So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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