I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
