bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize