They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
