My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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