I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
