dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
