I just cut my nipple shaving
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
