I'm gonna have a badass scar
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
