do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do cheetos always look like penises
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
