Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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