dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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