If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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