she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
