do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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