Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize