Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
