I heard we made out
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
