she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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