i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
