I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
