That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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