So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
