I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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