his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
