Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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