you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
