Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
