Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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