Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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