why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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