If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
