Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
