Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
